For the following to happen.
Your apartment is going to be tiny. I don’t mean the smallest bedroom in your college house tiny, the girl that only had to pay $450 when everyone else paid $500 tiny. I’m talking half that. I’m talking the bedroom will fit your bed and a little dresser, maybe not even all that tiny. Your closet will be the size of an Olsen. You will scrape your knees against the bathroom wall or tub tiny when you sit down to pee tiny. You will see a cockroach at least once a year in your living space. You will hear your roommate do the nasty, tiny. And your rent is going to cost about half of your salary.
You are going to work late hours. I mean really late hours. I’m not saying 6:45 P.M. because of a deadline, we are talking some nights you won’t leave until 9 PM, 2 AM– shit, you might even have to sleep over. You’re going to rarely get out before six, and when you do, people are going to say things to you like “Ahh, taking a half day are we?” and you are going to want to punch them. Also, as the newbie at work, you will get blamed for everything. And no one cares.
You will be harrassed by a homeless person at least once. Oh the names and things that have happened to me on the subway. I’ve been called a: cracker, a honky, fat, ugly, move bitch, and what the f*ck you looking at? more times than I can even recall. It’s going to happen, it’s just bound to, so try to keep a straight face, don’t talk back unless you want to be stabbed and just remember that you can one day use these stories to charm strangers at parties.
You will drink way too much The only activity people like to do in New York really is drink. No one has the space to hang out with all of their friends, nor would you want your boss to see your apartment, so the only place to meet is the bar. You will meet people over drinks for birthdays, job advancements, job firings, new job embarkments, first day of work, last day of work, to meet new people, to interview for a new position, to talk about your resume, to have your formal review, to celebrate the birth of a new baby, to celebrate Christmas, to just not have to go home to your lonely apartment until you’re boozed up enough to forget it’s your reality, to meet your husband to be, to meet someone to hook up with, to introduce your boyfriend to your best friend, to introduce your best friend to your boyfriend’s friend he thinks she might like, to watch the game because you don’t get the channel at home, to vent about your co-worker, to apologize about how you acted the night before face to face, to pick up the credit card you left there the night before–might as well just have one drink, to meet your friends for brunch, to kill time before the play, to kill time after the play, because all your friends are at a play, because you’re bored on Saturday around 11 A.M. and you’ve already watched that episode of the Jersey Shore. The bar is your living room, church, sanctuary, kitchen, dining room and coffee shop and you will get used to the feeling of being hungover after a couple months–it just feels normal after a while.
You will have a hard time finding a boyfriend. New York men are dicks. They are immature, stuck-in-a-fraternity brain eaters that don’t want to date you. They just don’t. Even Patti Singer says, “I love my New York girls, I just wish they would go to the suburbs to find their husbands.” It’s true. New York is a playground, where not only is there the pressure to have the best job and make the most money, but there is the pressure to have the most beautiful, skinniest girlfriend. I know you can say that men always have the grass is always greener syndrome all over the country, but in New York, there is so much more grass. Every city block has 20 girls that they would get it in with, they are not ready to settle down, plus, they are just assholes. Last night, it was raining lightly and I was walking with my friend down the street. We were behind a couple, the girl was in heels and her boyfriend turns around and barks at her “I’m NOT walking this slowly in the RAIN for the next three blocks.” No thanks. Finding that perfect New York man is not going to happen very easily– even if we want to look at the media for examples– in the show Sex in the City, which is a completely fictitious and inaccurate look at New York living, Miranda, who is a 5’8, pretty, Harvard grad law partner who owns her own apartment ends up marrying a bartender. And Charlotte, who is a gorgeous UES wasp who has a ton of money and wonderful life on her own, ends up with an unattractive, bald, tiny Jewish man, that she has to convert for–this to me was the most accurate part of the entire show. And even in the movie, Jhud’s character had to move back to the mid-west to find true love. In the three years that I lived here alone, I want on what felt like 100 first dates, and only about a 1/10 continued onward. Oh, and when you finally do find someone that will go on date number five with you, he’s not going to actually call you his girlfriend for another year or so.
You will survive. The first year will be hard. You will barely have a penny by the end of the month. You will have to buy your groceries at the dollar store. You will have to take the subway everywhere. You will have a meltdown when the bill comes and you have to split the check. You will almost throw up when you realized you have lost your monthly metro pass. You will have to stay in on a Saturday night. You will have to pre-game harder than you ever have in your life. You will eat hot dogs from vendors off the street some days, and you will be tempted to run up a credit card, don’t. You will have to be very careful how you plan your weekends, and might have to go on some dates just to get all the basic food groups, but it’s worth it, and once you have made it that first year, you can make it anywhere.
xoxo,
wcw
I am so good at being poor I am not even worried.
this entire post is bullshit. grow-up little girl.
Considering you didn’t even have the balls to write your real email address, I think the only person I can call out on their bull is you, loser.
Love it WCW. Keep it classy.
Pretty right on…and funny! Year 11 in NY and all worth it, though!
Accurate on everything but the apartment. Slight exaggerations there but the absolute gist of it. SPOT on about the men!! 1000% Accurate!!
Welcome to New York – Best city in the country <3
well, my frist apt I scraped my knee against the tub, saw a cockroach monthly, it was half my salary and I could only fit a bed! Woof!
Spot on about the men.If I need to have any hopes of getting married,I better move to the west!
Loved it sweetie!!! spot on…so do I qualify as a “dick”…lol…
I’m Aldous Snow booshit booshit booshit
Love your posts, wcw… just forwarded this to my little sis (student at NYU) and she goes “story of my life”
Makes me want to move to New York…
This is why I NEVER want to live in NYC and refuse to do it every time my partner says, “Let’s move there! You’ll love it!”. What a dump! Unless you have a trust fund that will cover sanitizing and insulating you from the realities of the whole filthy, rude, crude city, don’t even give it a thought. If you cannot afford to own a limo to take you to your destinations, don’t go. I you cannot afford a $10MM apartment with a terrace, don’t go. If you want to live like an animal, then NYC is your thing–go for it then!
Wow, you sound like a real asshole! And INCREDIBLY close-minded! Hello, there are PLENTY of New Yorkers who are NOT well-off, I am pretty sure that is the main point of the first 1/3 of her article, that you have to work your little ass off in order to get anywhere – but you know what? ITS WORTH IT. If it wasn’t worth it, why the hell would so many people DO IT? Yes, coming from a prosperous background will make life easier in the greatest city in the world — but that generalization is so unbelievably near-sighted, you need a serious reality check… Or you are just jealous, one or the other, I will continue to take the subway and scrape together change for a dirty water dog when I’m dying for a snack at 4 am after last call, and you know what? I couldn’t be happier
Cheers, good luck to you!
I wonder why anyone wants to live and work in NYC. It’s fun in your 20s when you have “hope and spirit” for the future. After that, it’s just a nasty daily grind. As far as it being “the greatest city in the world”, you obviously haven’t traveled the world or you wouldn’t say this. I have. NYC is NOT the greatest city in the world. And just because I have an opinion and do not like NYC does not make me an asshole. Happy Holidays!
Bram – I have traveled extensively, in the states and abroad, I studied & lived in Europe for a year – these are not bragging rights, just facts. I consider myself lucky to be able to live right here, there is no where else in the world I would rather live (except maybe some beautiful, Tsunami-free island where I can safely catch some waves worrying not of shark attacks)… quite frankly, New Yorkers are in LOVE with their city, and they have a right to be.. greatest city in the world? Damn straight, skippy — you take yourself way too seriously, OF COURSE there are dozens and dozens of places – metropolitan or not – that would make a phenomenal place to call home. Since you consider yourself to be a world traveler, then it would make sense for you to at least acknowledge the desire to live in Manhattan, and understand why so many people *dream* of building a life there. Get over it.
Liz,
You are in your 20s and I forgive you your trespasses. Most 20-somethings are naive and idiotic at best. Not all, but most. No, I have no such desire to live in Manhattan. I prefer the Pacific Palisades and Malibu.
And when you hit your thirties and you are still in the same old ratty apartment with little hope of moving up the ladder, living on the fumes of your dreams until they are consumed by the time you hit your forties, I promise I won’t be indelicate by shoving your face in it.
Happy New Year 2012!
“you will have to take the subway everywhere”
Loved the post, but this made me chuckle…where I’m from this is the norm and we’re kind of grateful to have a decent public transport system!
Well, most of the time. When we’re not moaning about it.
Except the public transport system sucks in NYC. You have to leave an hour early to get somewhere fifteen minutes late.
wow.. this is so true.
and another wow comes because if I had read this post about a year ago, it’d have sounded all ridiculous, and I’d have definitely said that you are exaggerating… But after living in NYC for about 7 months now, it all seems very true, too shockingly true.
Nice piece of writing! I agree with most of it. However, you have neighborhoods like Astoria, which is 12 min from Manhattan (59 & Lex), where you can find a nice apartment for the price of a small room in Manhattan.
Happy Holidays!
I’ve met so many girls like you. You don’t last more than a couple of years. New York is undoubtedly a tough city, but plenty of people find both love and happiness here. I know many monogamous men, and many couples who have found love here. Anyone who uses SATC (especially the movie) as a benchmark is delusional. Grow up.
nice aol account.
you must be one of those UES brain eaters
Sorry, ment for the above to be a reply to Bullshits comment on December 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm “this entire post is bullshit. grow-up little girl.”
Ok we aren’t ALL like that here (as a guy) But yes, it is a pretty accurate and funny depiction of life in NY and I have to admit to being guilty of SOME of the things you said about the men here…
this is fantastic… i would add “you will cry in public” based on my personal experience.
This article cracked me up. I’ve always loved NYC and considered moving there after college, but I moved to Chicago instead and it was the best decision I ever made. Bigger apartments for less, nice people, but still the fast-paced, world-class city. I met my now husband the second week I moved here (in a bar, mind you) and I know a lot of good, Midwestern boys that are looking for love. Love to visit NYC, but Chicago is the place to live! Merry Christmas!
great post. you gotta know what you’re getting into. most people can’t/don’t handle it.
New York City is Great and I do agree with some of the facts you wrote so im sorry if this sounds harsh.. APARTMENTS: You can find sweet deals on apartments in Manhattan or any surrounding boroughs very easily.. for example.. I live in a rent controlled railroad flat on E. 73rd St, and I pay only $600 per month, fully furnished, everything included, no roomate, no lease. Although hard to find, and probably illegal, it is possible as it was my first and only click on craigslist 3 years ago(memories
. Call it luck but shit that was easy.. WORK: It’s not work if you love what you do every day..Unfortunately most people (esp in NYC) genuinely hate their jobs no matter what the paycheck.. If I hated my job, I would hate my life, and would probably feel the same way you do about working long hours. THE HOMELESS: Especially the men are quite hostile.. you just have to know the perfect time to push them off the subway(Stand clear of closing doors please!) DRINKING: There are plenty of amazing things to do in NYC other than drink! I would rather get a root canal while listening to Kenny G over and over again than hear another idiot tell me the only thing to do in NYC is drink..alcoholics hang out with other alcoholics, who think the only thing to do is drink. Your a fucking alcoholic and you have no money because you spend it all at the bar or club drinking until 430am…GUYS: I am sure it’s no tougher finding a boyfriend than it is to find a girlfriend in NYC. I mean seriously, what kind of guys do you think you’re going to meet going out to bars, clubs, and lame celebrity hot spots?? ..When a genuine guy actually does approach you in a bar your first thought is probably, “OMG, why is this guy trying to buy me a drink like this guy is totally gross trying to get in my pants.” When really all he was looking for was the same thing you were, commitment. But you of course don’t notice because you are drunk and naturally think every guy who looks in your direction wants to sleep with you. Just a quick reality check..No man who is looking to meet his future wife would dare try to find them in a bar or club. If guys are approaching you in a bar it’s probably because you look easy. I’m 25 and I think the last time I approached a girl in a bar was my Freshman year of college. Surprise, surprise, she thought I wanted to sleep with her except all I really wanted to do was have a meangful conversation amidst the immature behavior of my friends and screaming idiots who just had their first beer..She was upset because I didn’t want to go back to her room with her. She got extremely insecure and for some reason thought something was wrong with her (because she was drunk.) She finally resulted to violence and said, “What are you some kind of faggot?” I responded with, “no im just not that interested in catching your HPV.” I excused myself from her presence and walked over to a women’s rugby player (who is gay) and told her what this girl had said to me. Not knowing how wasted my friend was, she immedately jumped out of her seat and started pounding on this poor girls face.. This was the day I realize that bars are no place to meet good people.
thank you for the novel. I met my boyfriend in a bar. good luck out there!
If you go to NY and expect to live in Manhattan, your an idiot.
this post just made my heart sing. hahaha. love from a native long island girl. <3
Totally True! As an Ivy League graduate girl with my life together (yeah ‘Miranda’ girls in the house!), I would recommend this to the terrified single women reading this post: CARE LESS ABOUT MEN HERE.
But if you want to get married, move to Wisconsin.
Yes, they suck. But, so what? For me, (and I think for this author) the ultimate reason to be in NYC is for you. For your own career, dreams, and goals. Although they can be tasty, ultimately men are a nice side-dish to the main course of getting what you want out of the city. So, juggle a few at a time, ladies. If you understand that your romantic life can be a nice addition to your reality, and not the essence of it, I think you can totally enjoy the dating scene here. I know I do!
amen!!!! xoxoxoxo
ahhhhhh from one (somewhat… depending on the day) established city girl to another… this is SO true
men in nyc are like canal bags, they look somewhat put-together from far away but they’re completely dysfunctional and they don’t last very long. I’ve been in a committed relationship with Sprinkles cupcakes for a while now and I can’t say that I’ve ever been happier!
and wcw, this post makes me so giddy
i couldn’t have said it better myself
xoxoxoxo
You’re making yourself seem like a self-absorbed snob, rather than a worldly, well rounded, MATURE individual. No one is going to diss the west coast or malibu — you inherently have some spitefulness towards Manhattanites, please… could you be any more transparent!!
Thanks, I would rather be “naive” living in an apartment, walking distance from some of the best restaurants/music venues/theaters …. than a snooty west coaster. You sound like a housewife of Beverly Hills.
this was in reply to bram ^^
Then you are living [your] dream, Babe! Let’s see how you feel about it when you are running in place in your mid thirties, gasping for more fumes to keep you motivated in that rat-trap apartment you moved into in your twenties. Remember, the fumes exhaust when you hit forty. I think you are more of a cautionary tale more so than you are an inspiration or a fount of wisdom.
No, I’m not a Beverly Hills Housewife (ahem–Pacific Palisades and Malibu once again) and I’m not “transparent” whatever it was that you were attempting to communicate with this overused word. In terms of living in Manhattan, methinks you are projecting 100%. I don’t recall expressing any “spitefulness” (perhaps you meant to choose an appropriate adjective instead) towards those who live there. You seem to have given little thought to my words.
London’s West End has the best theatre going. Broadway is overrated. When I want to see a play, I fly to London, not to NYC. I’m not stating that Broadway has not produced an occasional well-deserved hit, rather that most of what it produces is not worth my attention these days. And, yes, my opinion counts at least as much as yours. But you can go ahead and attack me with nasty, catty name calling–your typical defense. Castigating people is definitely your calling. Do you do it for a living or are you hitting the bitter phase of NYC life?
The restaurants are roach traps, and it does not matter which you dine at. They all are. But this could easily be said of all restaurants throughout the world really (in a general sense).
Yes, NYC does have some wonderful music venues, but it is certainly no reason to move to NYC anymore than it is a reason to move to Los Angeles, San Francisco, London, Paris, Barcelona, or Ibiza.
Again, you are living [your] dream, and you are welcome to it. Best of luck!
P.S. I will not be exchanging thoughts with you any further. If I had used the word “farther” instead, would you have known the difference?
This post was spot on… I’m just now ending my first year in New York and it was all about survival. I lost more money, sleep and time than I could afford. And did I mention bed bugs? Welcome to New York.
Things I did learn: how to fight for a cab and run in high heels. Oh, and that I love New York like a terrible lover.
Why are so many people hating on this blog right now? Liz is a hilarious, talented writer and whether you agree or disagree with her statements is irrelevant. I can’t control laughing out loud at work while reading WCW instead of doing whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing. Each and every single post is a joy to read and if you don’t think so, then don’t read it and move on, don’t post insulting replies! If I could personally punch Bram and some of you other schmucks in the face right now, I would.
Haha.(: I absolutely ADORE this.(: I’m moving back I New York when I’m 18 and this is 100% true! Lol I love New York though, it’s absolutely magical.(:
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I love New York , Only ever been as a tourist several times so cant really speculate as every time I go I stay in nice hotels, have lots of money to spend and don’t have to work, but even as a tourist I can see the beauty and magic of New york. I was proposed to in New York by my now husband and revisited on our honeymoon and I love the people, the climate, the hustle and bustle and the fact that there is always something new to do. Even reading the negatives of living in New York , If I could move there I would, I miss the place and think about it every day and like I said I have only ever been a tourist so I can only imagine the love New yorkers have for there city and the bond they must have with the big apple! x