November 23, 2011 4 Comments
If any of you know me well enough, meaning you have read my blog for the past year, you know that Thanksgiving Eve is one of my favorite days of the year.
It’s the day that you get to creep on everyone you’ve been wanting to see since high school. Hometown celebs is what I like to call them. You know, the really slammin’ quarterback that went bald at 23, the prettiest girl in your grade that now has two kids, maybe even your really hot gym teacher from 10th grade. It’s like real life facebook.
I remember the year my best friend was 21 a month before me and ended up just making the cusp to go out on Thanksgiving Eve without me by a week. The entire night she was making me insanely jealous via text as she updated me about all the celebs she was spotting, girls that lost 50 lbs, nerds that put on 25 lbs of muscle and lost the glasses, and of course our high school crushes in the grade above while I sipped countless vodka oranges alone in my kitchen with Home Alone glaring from the 22 inch in the background.
These are the things that we fed off of– exchanging numbers with the rugby captain a year below you, seeing your 16-year-old crush for the first time since you used to lift at the same gym in high school, this is the stuff I lived for and I love it!
Or should I say loved it.
Last year when I went out on Thanksgiving Eve, I ended up running into a kid I used to babysit, yikes, with that being said I think I might have to hang up my extensions this year on my favorite holiday. I mean, maybe I will go out for a round or two around 9, but two years ago, we went out around 11. It’s the circle of life, and I just happen to be at the fading edges of my ridiculous mid twenties.
I mean, I didn’t even go tanning this year for it, and that says a lot.
I guess it just sort of looses his appeal when you have facebook so you’ve seen it already and have to wake up early to help cook. Hangovers aren’t cured with bacon and gatorade anymore, and we have to visit our grandpa before we eat.
Eff, I had two old fashions last night and I’m feeling foggy right now.
With all this being said though, it still is a hell of a night and was one of my favorite days of the year for 5 years so and I have decided to compile a how to get through it list below:
1. Dress to impress
You gotta look cool as shit if you are going to go out on Thanksgiving Eve, but not so cool that people know you tried really hard.
Jeans and a nice top, thin sweater blazer or long cardigan, heeled boots works.
Leggings and a tunic works too.
If you are going to be dancing, think layers– remember if you didn’t go tanning or haven’t done pushups in a while, make sure you are wearing a shirt that can be worn by itself if you get too hot.
You have to, must wear a watch. It just makes you look more successful. Trust me.
Oh and your bag should be a cross body so you don’t have to put it down.
Off limits completely are dresses– just no, you tried way too hard. Unless you have lost 75 lbs from high school and this is your moment, go for it. Shine in a Herve Leger, girl.
Hair should be blown out, straight, curlers ok for loose waves but curling iron to the whole head, no.
Since most of the places you are going to will be dark, a lot of makeup is fine– but remember when wearing stage makeup to have your mom or whoever is taking you home to show up at least 15 mins before 2 AM, because when those lights pop on for last call and you look like a straight up melting illusion you will look scary.
In fact, bring bronzer, lip gloss or stick and concealer in your purse for touch ups, they do wonders to a tired face.
2. How to avoid a lengthy convo with someone who makes you want to end it
You need to have a couple excuses in your pocket in case Gracie from home room wants to talk to you about all her cocker spaniels. I’m not saying that you should avoid her completely, that’s just rude, and we aren’t rude, we are just cool and hanging out with her for too long is not only painful to you, but can seriously hurt your stock, so we must step away.
Excuses can be like this:
“Oh hi wcw!!!! You look awesome, how’s it going?”
“Hi Gracie, oh good, how are you?”
“Great, I got these brand new baby cutie cocker spaniels that are sooooOOooo cute omg wanna see pics??!”
“Oh, I would love to, but my friend is meeting me outside right now so I gotta go meet her, talk later!”
Other excuses are, “awesome to see you, but I have to use the bathroom” Look at your cell, “Oh shoot, I gotta take this” and of course “You’re so effing boring, I can’t even stand to be around you for one more second, I literally would rather be writing a 10 page paper on dirt wearing something from the Kardashian line from Sears.”
3. It’s not all about you so don’t try to sound cooler by talking too much because you actually sound lamer.
If someone asks you what you do or where you live, keep it short and sweet.
You work as a junior banker at Morgan Stanley in New York you simply say: I work in finance up in New York.
If you are an account executive for Grey Advertising on the Pantein Pro V account and technically don’t live in the city, you live in Hoboken, in short: I work in Advertising in New York.
They don’t need to know anything else.
If they keep probing, you can indulge or use an exit strategy or…
You can make up a complete horse shit answer just for fun. I was a taxidermist student studying at a small taxidermy school outside of State College for about 75 % of my night life encounters from 2005-2007.
4. If someone ignores you, ignore them back and please for God’s sake delete them from your facebook. If you see them in real life and would rather eat nails that talk to them, you probably shouldn’t be friends with them in the virtual world. Exceptions include girls that are engaged and you are simply using their facebooks as wedding research or people that might end up being famous so you can sell their pics to E! True Hollywood Story.
5. Before you go out, eat something. I mean, really– do not attempt to go out on Thanksgiving Eve without a little protein and carb that can just end in tears. Listen, your mom is probably getting a pizza anyway, so indulge in 2 slices or make a turkey and cheese sammy. Also, pregame with a cocktail or two to get you feeling loose.
Just remember to have fun, kids, don’t drink and drive and Ok, perhaps you will see me at the Mesquito Grill from 8:30-11 in Doylestown tonight.
Viva la Thanksgiving Eve!