I love starting off a post where Kim looks average:
So this week has been a doozy, am I right or wrong?
It BLEW!
The first half was all weird with weather, I think I counted about 25 million top knots. The cold spring humidity is the worst, especially in New York. How quickly we forget we live on an island and it’s MUGGY here people. (side bar: one of my favorite lines ever is when Diddy says “buy you an island and call it cris-tal-land.”)
I know my girls down in philly were feelin’ the humidity and rain too. My mom was so excited because she got to break out her new umbrella I got her for mother’s day.
Yeah, it says “shit it’s raining” in French because we are oh so very classy. Get one here.
Also, the week felt like it went on forevs. I think we actually had two months in one here– like we were Ground Hog’s Day for 2 months every day the same same but a little dif or something and then the Men in Black people came in and erased our heads with that flashlight thing and we were like ehhh what the donkey hole just happened I am soooo exhausteddddd y’all?
So it’s almost over and I am so grateful for that.
What the hell also happened this week?
Oh yeah, Mark Zuckerberg and a bunchhhhh of nerds got real, real rich. Now they all are 28-year-old billionaires and retired. Maybe Justin Timberlake should have invested in some Facebook shares instead of metal bar stools, eco friendly golf courses and MYSPACE. What an idiot. Like I said before, why didn’t he learn anything from playing Sean Parker? and like my grandmother on my mom’s side named Babs Hackett always said “*EEJITS!” (*idiots in Irish wasp.)
In lieu of this insanity, I decided to come up with a list of things I would do if I was sitting on 36 billion dollars.
1. wipe my ass with Hermes scarves
2. replicate this– that’s me in the middle floatin’ except all my friends know I don’t use rafts, I just float for hours in the middle of the pool like at Rehab in Vegas while everyone else is partying listening to “Call me Maybe,” and I’m JUST FLOATING!
3. Buy an island and call it “Cris-tal-land,” call Diddy from it say “HA!” and hang up.
4. Eat lobster rolls for every meal
5. Film an episode of cribs and have Mariah Carey taking a nap in one of the rooms
6. Make Snooki name her baby WestCoastWest
7. Carry around iPhones and throw them at people who annoyed me a la Naomi Campbell
8. Pay someone to invent a fat free cheese steak with extra wiz, WIT
9. Buy a yacht and race mine against Bill Gates’s with a cigar hanging out of my mouth dressed up as Kim Zosciak on her wedding.
10. Probably get some gel nails, those shits are like $30!
Also, I love that Zucks is with Priscilla still, I wonder if they will stay together.
UNRELATED!
If you haven’t gone to Nordstrom Rack in Union Square, do yourself a favor and hit it up.
It’s awesome.
I got so many things for so cheap, they have great sweaters/cardigans from this brand 14th and Union for $21 that I literally think they just make for that store and tons of other stuff and it’s never crowded so treat yourself and go.
Which brings me to today.
Last night was a little bit chaotic and somehow shots were involved, and let’s just say one shot of soco and lime sent me to a bar downtown where someone blatantly called me out for doing the robot and told me to “slow it downnnn, girl” and then you can just picture this: me sitting alone in Katz’s deli with a grilled cheese and getting a cab ride home with an Indian cabbie who was watching porn on his iPhone at all the red lights.
So TONIGHT! we all have the chance to unwind, eff the week so blast some Call Me Maybe, down some vodka soda splash of OJ (thanks for that one ru!) eat some snacks and chill the eff out! We did it! WE MADE IT!
Hope everyone has a great weekend and enjoy some eye candy!
xoxo,
wcw
































